3.05.2009

Missing my father




My father died on Mother's day (May 11, 2008). I never considered myself close to him, certainly not his "favorite" child. ha ha That is a joke in our household, because we have a little dog (Tee-Tee), who we always joked was his "favorite" daughter.



He was sick for 7 years, then the last 13 months is when it seemed to progress to the Hospice stage and then the last month or so it was even worse as he was basically stuck in his bedroom. My mom was his main caretaker. I worked and did my damnest to make sure we had everything we needed to take care of "us", our family. I tried, I really did.

I never thought that once he would pass that it would bother me or effect me in the manner that it has. My entire life has changed. Not a 180 degree turn but a 360 degree turn. I have come to realize that I no longer feel or want to work 80 hrs a week, or be around any negative people. Life is too short to be upset and unhappy and stressed beyond belief for reasons that are of no benefit. I don't know what I am going to do yet. I have always felt that health is extremely important but now it brings on an entirely new meaning. Any ideas??? Here the ironic thing.. I am the sickest I have ever been.

I miss him, more than I ever thought I could or would miss him in a million years. Don't get me wrong, I knew I would miss him, just not to this extreme. I think of him daily and sometimes even more. Sometimes just happy thoughts and other times, my eyes fill with tears, still with good thoughts, but the tears roll without any control.

He was only 62 yrs old. That is so young. His mom was only 62 yrs old when she passed also.
I always try and remind people to tell their loved ones that they love them and not only with words but with actions. They will be so glad they did. I don't regret a moment that I spent with my dad. I feel so fortunate that I was able to spend the time that I did with him. I feel blessed to have been able to be by his side through everything, good and bad. In my mind, I wouldn't have had it any other way...

He has his own website. http://www.mem.com/ Once you get to that site, you will need to enter his name, Reuben Castleberry and that will take you to his page. You can then see his biography, pictures and a movie. You can view his guest book and sign it as well if you like.
I miss you dad....I know you are still with me and mom, we can feel your presence. I love you.. xoxo


1 comment:

  1. Hey cuz, I understand what you mean. Thankfully, and regretfully as well, I wasn't there to see my dad's last days. From what I was told, he wasn't the same at all for the last few weeks. Every time I see a motorcycle go by, or a chessboard, or just random things we shared, I tear up. Even looking at the pic here, it amazes me how alike Dad and Uncle Reuben looked, and that just brings it all back. Anyway, missing them, and miss you guys too. We have got to figure out how/when to ge together. Love from us...

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