8.03.2009

When I play, boy do I PAY!!

So I was actually had plans to get together with a friend on Saturday for lunch. I rarely, and I mean RARELY, ever do something like this. I hadn't seen this friend in over a year. We have emailed and talked on the phone and tried to make plans previously but it never worked out. So I was rather looking forward to our "date". :) I was thinking that it was going to be an easy outing for me. We were going to be meeting in my city (hardly any driving for me) and it was going to be in the afternoon(so I wouldn't have to get up too early which is so difficult for me), and we were just going to having lunch (nothing physical). I mean how much easier could it have been, right? Well... so we met at the wonderful Margaritas Mexican Restaurant in Valencia. It was great we had lunch and sat talked for 3 1/2 hours! It was nice to catch up and chat and relax. Great food, great service and great company. I can't tell you when the last time it was that I didn't something like that. I really enjoyed myself. I was so proud that I felt good the entire time. I tried not to dwell or think about it too much as I did not want to jinx it.

As soon as we walked out of the restaurant I was hit hard with a horrible headache. I wasn't sure why but I was hit hard. I tried not to think about it, as I was hoping I was going to feel 1/2 way decent to do be able to go to either Target or Ralphs. Well, I was feeling so HORRIBLE, I knew I would not be able to make it through those places. As I started driving my body started to cramp up and spasm, and I mean my entire body. My headache turned into a migraine and I became extremely sick to my stomach. I was hurting all over so bad it was horrible. I felt as if I had run a marathon(although I have no idea what that would feel like b/c I have never done something like that), and been beaten up horribly and on top of all that had the stomach flu. Once I got home, I changed into comfy pj's and laid down to rest. I thought that maybe if I rested I would be OK. I laid down and rested but was dying in pain only getting worse. I had to eat a little something so that I could take some pain pills.

See I am one of those people that don't like to take pain pills unless I can't stand the pain anymore. I know I know the doctors tell me NOT to do that, but I don't want to be dependent on pain pills, ya know? Although it is not like the pain pills take my pain aways, it only eases a small amount so that I am able to do other things. Get it?

So here it is I was out basically from 1:30pm - 6:00pm. I didn't do anything physical. I drove 10 min to a restaurant, sat the entire time and ate and chatted. I drove back home another 10 min. However, this wonderful outing just about killed me. I ask WHY??? For such a short amount of time and for not doing anything physical, I was incapacitated for the rest of the evening on Saturday and on Sunday. I basically slept once I came home from my luncheon, woke up for a short time to eat dinner, slept more, got up on Sunday at 10:30am for about a 1/2 hr. to feed the animals and went back to sleep until 4:30pm. Even after all that sleep, I could have continued to sleep, but I forced myself to get up. However, my body is still wrecked with pain. WHY??? I had to take pain pills again today. WHY?

When things like this happen, it makes me not want to go out and do anything. I mean why? I go out and do something fun and I end up paying for it for how many days. That is so unfair. I look healthy to the normal person; I mean I smile, laugh, joke, I don't have anything outwardly showing that there is something wrong with me. So I look just fine, yet when you get down to it, I am not.

Some people say I am disabled and others say no. I have been thinking to myself no, not me, I am ok. I can push myself to get back in the swing of things and go back to doing what I use to do. I mean how hard can it be, right? I did it before, and I was sick (just not this bad). It seems that everytime I start thinking, and feeling this way, I get kicked in the ASS and reminded real quick that if I were to do something like that, I would end up paying so bad that I would end up in DEBT that I might not be able to get out of. Get my drift? I surely don't want.

So for now I don't play very much or very often and I when I do, I know that I can't have anything scheduled for the next 2-3 days because I will be unable to do anything. This upsets me tremendously but for now this is something I have to live with. I am still learning to accept my disability. Still trying to find a cheaper price to pay, ya know??

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