My mom is a perfectionist. I love her. I guess being raised with that, it kind of rubs off. I can laugh about it sometimes. Other times I have to walk away or on the really bad days I might even end up crying. I know it sounds horrible right?
She always has to have everything in its place. I get that. The joke growing up was that anyone that would come over to the house could move something ever so slightly and she would notice it immediately. I am not kidding. Her brothers and other friends and family would move things and make bets to see how long it would take her to notice and move things back into “their right” place. The right place was the place that she placed them.
We live together. She has some health problems. Currently she is waiting to have a total knee replacement. So at this time she can barely walk. Did you get that? BARELY WALK. She hobbles around the house if she has to get around the house and when we do go out, and that is only for doctor appointments she has to be in a wheelchair. So needless to say at this time, I try (to do my best) to take care of everything or just about everything. I know I can’t do everything the way she would do it or the way she would like it, and I accept that. BUT…when she can barely walk and goes hobbling around and “redoing” things, it just about kills me. I mean, really?? Is that really necessary??
For instance, she has to refold the towels, because for some reason they are not folded right. Don’t get me wrong, they are folded in the same tri-fold manner that she taught me, but for some reason, I guess they are not perfect, so she feels a need to refold them. She does this always. (People say I am the sick one because I can tell when she has refolded the towels. That is a whole different story, right? We are not going to make comments about that here, today, right?) I make her bed, and yet she still has to “straighten” it. Really??? There are no lumps; the comforter is even, is it really that bad? I have all of the trash from all of the trash cans in the house emptied into the main one and have it tied and ready to go out tomorrow morning. She found trash somewhere and had to open the trash bag and add the trash to it, reclose it and move the bag into the laundry room. A different place from where I had it. LOL She couldn’t have just put the trash in one of the trash cans? I can clean Chip’s (our kitty’s) litter box and yet she can come along minutes later (I am not kidding you) and re-scoop it and “smooth” it out. She won’t find anything but she still has to do it. WHY????????????
So am I over reacting to this? I can handle it most of the time…but then there are those times when it just gets to be too much and I just feel like no matter what I do or how I do it, it just isn’t good enough. Ya know?
So although it is her sickness, it still makes me sick. Although she says she cannot help herself, and she tries not to do those things, sometimes I just can’t help myself when I feel so worthless.
She always has to have everything in its place. I get that. The joke growing up was that anyone that would come over to the house could move something ever so slightly and she would notice it immediately. I am not kidding. Her brothers and other friends and family would move things and make bets to see how long it would take her to notice and move things back into “their right” place. The right place was the place that she placed them.
We live together. She has some health problems. Currently she is waiting to have a total knee replacement. So at this time she can barely walk. Did you get that? BARELY WALK. She hobbles around the house if she has to get around the house and when we do go out, and that is only for doctor appointments she has to be in a wheelchair. So needless to say at this time, I try (to do my best) to take care of everything or just about everything. I know I can’t do everything the way she would do it or the way she would like it, and I accept that. BUT…when she can barely walk and goes hobbling around and “redoing” things, it just about kills me. I mean, really?? Is that really necessary??
For instance, she has to refold the towels, because for some reason they are not folded right. Don’t get me wrong, they are folded in the same tri-fold manner that she taught me, but for some reason, I guess they are not perfect, so she feels a need to refold them. She does this always. (People say I am the sick one because I can tell when she has refolded the towels. That is a whole different story, right? We are not going to make comments about that here, today, right?) I make her bed, and yet she still has to “straighten” it. Really??? There are no lumps; the comforter is even, is it really that bad? I have all of the trash from all of the trash cans in the house emptied into the main one and have it tied and ready to go out tomorrow morning. She found trash somewhere and had to open the trash bag and add the trash to it, reclose it and move the bag into the laundry room. A different place from where I had it. LOL She couldn’t have just put the trash in one of the trash cans? I can clean Chip’s (our kitty’s) litter box and yet she can come along minutes later (I am not kidding you) and re-scoop it and “smooth” it out. She won’t find anything but she still has to do it. WHY????????????
So am I over reacting to this? I can handle it most of the time…but then there are those times when it just gets to be too much and I just feel like no matter what I do or how I do it, it just isn’t good enough. Ya know?
So although it is her sickness, it still makes me sick. Although she says she cannot help herself, and she tries not to do those things, sometimes I just can’t help myself when I feel so worthless.
i thrive in organized chaos. and yes, i end up repeating what i asked other to do because for some reason, i think they didnt do it right.
ReplyDeletewhat you wrote made me think what others feel when i become "perfect." thank you for the jolt.
don't feel worthless. you're already doing more than is asked of you and you're doing i the best that you can. others would have folded under the pressure.
*hugs*