These wings were not made for flying

So do you ever find something you like and then end up really liking it to then end up finding out they no longer make the damn thing? It seems that happens to me every single freaking time. It is really getting old. Then it throws your whole ritual off. It is like you have to start all over, from scratch. Sometimes it is really difficult to find a replacement let alone it be even close to comparable. So here it is…

Now before I go any further this just may be way TMI (too much info) for anyone, so I am giving fair warning. I wear pads when it is “that time of the month”. I do not wear tampons. I just can’t do it. I tried once and it was a horrible experience. You ask what happened. Ok… since you have twisted my arm I will tell you this story but it will be between just you and me. OK?

It was summertime and I was with my best friend, Tania. We are only 6 months apart in age and were basically raised like sisters.  So it was planned that we were suppose to go to the beach with her church group. Well don’t you know but I started that day. Now this is unusual because at that time I was regular, every 24 days…you could calendar it, and it was spot on (sorry no pun intended). So I figured I would just wear a pad and NOT go into the water. Oh NO…she would have none of that. She talked me into trying a tampon. I had no idea what I was doing. I was young probably around 11 years old. I can remember looking at the pictures of the “how to” on the back of the box.  If only there was something like this back then, maybe I would have succeeded, just maybe..I was in the bathroom and she was standing at the door, asking me well, do you have it in yet? Are you ok? I hadn’t even tried yet, I was so freakin nervous. Finally I worked my nerve up and did it. It DID NOT feel right. But then again, how did I know what would feel right. I had never had anything up there. To me at that time in my life that was strictly an exit only area! LOL So I decided to let it stay and be uncomfortable in pain. Tania told me that it would “settle” after a short time and I wouldn’t even feel it. I was wondering how long it would take for it to “settle” before I wouldn’t feel it. Whatever it was, it wasn’t quick enough. So we carpooled to the beach, get there, set up and everyone wants to go in the water. Finally I go…now here it is… are you ready??? Yup, I think you guessed, as we were in the ocean all of a sudden something just didn’t feel right and then I had no pain and for a brief moment I was thrilled that it finally “settled”, only to see that it was floating right by me! Talk about mortified. OMG!! I wanted to die. I thought for sure I would. I didn’t. So that is why I don’t use Tampons…ever. I have still dreams vivid nightmares about that horrific day.


So I wear pads. I know, old school, but that is me. Now you know why, so you won’t have to try and convince me to try it again. Oh HELL NO!! I am simple; I just like the old school pads. You know the regular ones…you know the ones you can practically never find anymore. WTF!!?? I normally buy them at Target, because their brand is the cheapest and they work really well. And if you remember from my last post cheap blow job I don’t like spending money on myself. So they don’t make them anymore. Can this be for real? Can you believe that? So I was in that isle for what felt like forever (probably close to most of that day) and still couldn’t find what I wanted. So of course I had to settle. What did I settle for… pads with wings! Really? Am I the only one that doesn’t get this concept? Please tell me a man thought up this stupid ass idea.

You stick the pad to your panties and they stay. If not, you have the wrong type of panties on, and you need to go back to your lingerie drawer and find another pair. SIMPLE.The wings are suppose to “wrap around” and stick. Let’s be realistic here. They don’t stick. They don’t stay. They come undone and stick to you, either your skin or your little hairs down there. I don’t know about you, but I don’t find either of those areas fun places to have something sticking to it. Especially if I am out and about and all of a sudden I feel this pull and tug, and I can’t even do anything until I can get to a restroom. See, so a man had to be the evil one to come up with this “great” invention, right? I mean what woman in their right mind would think this is a good thing? Or am I missing it completely??  

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