5.30.2010

Memorial Day Tribute. . .


Forget - Me - Not

Forget-me-not
When you're lost in thought
As you make it through your day

Forget-me-not
I am one who fought
And was scarred along the way

Forget-me-not
For the freedom bought
With the lives one can't repay

Forget-me-not
When your child is taught
To remember yesterday

Forget-me-not
When the day is hot
And you bend your knees to pray

Forget-me-not
Yes, I heard the shot
But I did not run away

Forget-me-not
I'm a patriot
And I need your help today

I just don’t get it…

I have been thinking about these things for awhile now and no I don’t just mean the last hour or so. I realize there are a few several many things that I just don’t understand. Here are some of them…

I just don’t get it…


• How people don’t follow through. Please if you tell me you are doing to do something, just do it. I mean how can you live with yourself never following through on anything, big or small?


• If you have animals take care of them. Now this one comes in 3 parts. Anyone that knows me knows I am an ANIMAL LOVER. So if you have animals you better be able to afford to feed them, bathe them, house them, and take them to the doctor. When I say that I mean, they need their shots, they need to be checked out and kept up, you know to be healthy. I would love to have a million animals, but let’s face it, it isn’t realistic for me, financially or physically, so I have limited myself 2. I know I can always care for them in any capacity that is needed. (Trust me I am not even going to get started on abuse here, because that is one worth an entire entry!)


• Still on the animal thing. When I see a sign that says, “PLEASE HELP ME FIND A HOME FOR SMOKEY, WE AREMOVING AND CANNOT TAKE HIM WITH US”. Seriously? My next question is are they leaving the kids and spouse behind too? Because let me tell me you, it would be a COLD FUCKING DAY in hell that I would give up my animals because I was moving. Granted there are certain situations that no one can avoid, but it surely doesn’t happen as often as I see these signs around.


• Another animal issue… How can people have animals (Dogs) and let them bark continuously and be home and never try to get them to stop barking? OMG!! I know I can’t be the only one in the neighborhood that this drives up a freaking wall. Am I the only one that can hear this? UGH! Oh yeah, and they leave their dogs out 24/7!! Are you fucking kidding me? I don’t care if they are small or large, I just don’t get it. Especially where I live, owls, coyotes, cougars are regulars in my neighborhood and have been known to take them right out of their yards.


• How people can just not give it any thought or much thought at all and just put a family member into a nursing home. I have cared for 2 family members who passed away and I am currently caring for my mom (who will be getting better soon) and couldn’t imagine it any other way. I would do that for whomever I could.


• Why they charge so damn much for toilet paper. I mean seriously, we are going to throw the damn stuff away anyway. UGH


• How is it that you I can feel great one minute and the next you I suddenly feel like death warmed over? I would love to know how a person’s body, ok mine, can go from zero to shit in under a second.


• Why is it breezy outside and for some reason I can’t seem to get the breeze inside my house?


• Before I start on this... I LOVE CHILDREN. I do, I really do. But I don’t understand why they always seem to play in front of my house. I don’t have children. It doesn’t’ matter what their age is but they always seem to be in front of my house. The screaming, the yelling, the bouncing balls. Sometimes it is just TOO MUCH.


• How my little dog, Tee-Tee is so in tune to me. I have had other animals, but she takes the cake. She is so in tune, she seems to always know when I am sad, hurting, angry, excited. She knows almost before it happens.


• Why people don’t smile. It doesn’t hurt. If you have a smile on your face you feel better. It is much more pleasant to come across someone with a smile. Hardly anyone does that anymore. I would love to see more of that.


• This one tops it all. I don’t get why people who read my blog don’t comment. I know I have people that read my blog. Although you would never know it because no one “FOLLOWS” the blog. God forbid for anyone to “COMMENT” on the blog. Trust me peoples it doesn’t hurt, in fact it makes me feel freaking fantastic. So if you could please “FOLLOW” and or “COMMENT”, I would LOVE you all so much more than what I already do.

5.26.2010

WORDLESS WEDNESDAY (well almost)

They say a picture is worth a thousand words...

Well sometimes all it takes is a picture to make your day.  The last few days have been a bit rough for me.  My cousin, Adrianne's daughter just had her 2nd Bday and they live on the east coast.  So mom and I sent a little something for her bday.  The other day I turned on my phone and had this picture waiting for me with a note saying "she loves it".  I tell you no matter how icky of a day or week I was having this made it 100 times better.  Too adorable for words if you ask me.


Payton

5.25.2010

Dear God

Dear God,



I am sorry to bother you but I was recently told that we can actually ask for specific things. I hope this is true. I had no idea. If this is not true, then you will have to take this up with my therapist, because I am pretty sure she has been telling more people than just me. So here goes.


First of all I am not really asking for anything in particular at least I don’t think so. I am asking for an easy day. Do you know what that means? Let me explain that to you so that there are no misconceptions. I would hate for that to happen.


I just want one day (24 hours to be exact) to be easy. No hassles, no problems, no issues, no situations. Gosh, just the thought about that makes me giddy. I don’t think I have ever in my entire life had an entire day that was “easy”. I would love to be able to experience 1 day (24 hours) of that.


A Sample Easy Day


Get up in the morning, feed the animals have them eat whatever it is I give them without them acting like spoiled brats like their grandma made them into. Give them their medicine without having to use the Jaws of Life to open Chip’s mouth to get his 3 syringes of meds in and as for Tee-Tee it would be nice if she wouldn’t be so darn nervous. Go check on mom (well this is only while she is sick, when she is not, she is always the first person up), check the litter boxes and have no messes. You see Chip has this habit of perching on the edge of his litter box so sometimes it tilts flips over so you can imagine what kind of fun filled mess that makes. That is always nice to wake up to first thing in the morning. Once I am up, I need to help mom with checking her blood sugar level (so if you could make sure there are no errors on the machine and we get enough blood with the first prick), doing a breathing treatment (just let everything hook up easily), and giving her the IV push medicine that is needed (let the IV still be good and not blown so we can use it and not have to make a trip to the infusion clinic). Depending on what time I am done with this, I will either figure out something for breakfast or lunch aka brunch. I will make us something to eat (so if you could make sure this goes smoothly, with no burning or dropping or anything like that) and then clean up (if this could go smoothly as well, no dropping things or making a mess). While I am making beds (it would be nice not to trip over myself, I can’t tell you how often I do that these days (I never used to, well that was before all of this LUPUS stuff)), and cleaning or doing laundry (being able to remember what I was doing would be nice and not forgetting to put something in the laundry would be great too). If I have to get moms oxygen ready for a trip out, your help is GREATLY appreciated. I mean it seems that lately it just does not want to cooperate no matter what I do. I mean it is a simple thing; you attach the regulator to the oxygen tank. However it doesn’t seem to want to go that smoothly anymore. I have to work and work and work with it. Can I tell you that it really tries my nerves? I mean I know you are busy and all, but you have had to hear my crying and begging you for some assistance. It is imperative that mom has oxygen and that it works, so this isn’t something I can just not worry about and forget about it and not deal with it. I can put it off to the side and try again later which is what I have found myself doing several times over the last several days. It keeps leaking. SO PLEASE CAN YOU HELP ME OUT HERE???? Can you make it so that the oxygen tanks just attach to the regulator with no issues? Ok... that is a specific request. So out of this whole letter, so far I have one specific one. I mean I could have started out with, when I wake up could you make sure that I feel refreshed and have energy and don’t hurt all over. BUT I didn’t do that. I know that is specific…but the way I look at this is I have this for a reason and although I may not know what that reason is I will eventually.


Anyway, I am a firm believer that GOD (that would be you) doesn’t give you more than you can handle. Although as we both know there have been a few times when you have waited till I was on my knees till you lifted me up. I get that, I really really do. However, I thought that maybe if I sent you a letter it might make more of an impression on you and let you know that I could really use some assistance right about now. Know what I mean?


So am I asking for too much? Let’s review…


I am not asking to be “healed” although let’s face it if you wanted to throw that my way, I sure the hell wouldn’t decline it. (Yes, I just cursed in my letter to GOD, b/c he knows me and he gets me, we are cool that way). If you want to heal mom now that I would be willing to discuss, because let me remind you, I would gladly give up an arm/leg if that was at all possible, but we had already discussed that, so unless things have changed, I know what the answer is already.


I just want to have a day without an upsets, or catastrophes or hassles. Is that so much to ask? I don’t even expect or want this on a daily basis just once would be nice; however, if you want to do it more often for me, you know I will gladly accept it.


Sorry it has been so long since I have written. I promise I will write more often.

Love,


Tammy

PS.  If you need the name of the therapist that told me you take specific requests let me know, I just assumed you would know who it was.

5.20.2010

Paging Nurse Tammy...

My mom was diagnosed with cellulitis awhile back and before that she suffered a pulmonary embolism . They have tried her on a few different types of antibiotics but she was not able to stay on them. On May 11th she had an appointment with her pulmonary doctor and he is very concerned about her legs. They do NOT look well at all. So he wanted to start her back on antibiotics. We had to come back the following day so she could get set up. Oh... I forgot to mention, she will be set up with an IV and I will have to administer the IV push antibiotic twice a day.



Truthfully, this does not bother me at all. I don’t mind it and this kind of stuff is pretty easy for me. The nurse put in her IV and gave her the first dose of the medication (Ancef). Then it was up to me to continue this twice a day (every 12 hours). We were given the medication, the alcohol swabs, the tape, and the saline and extra “socks”.

  
 The Saline syringes, the Ancef syringe and alchohol pads


I ask them how long the IV should last and they tell me only 3 days! Excuse me?? I was like, then show me how to do this, so that I can do this, because I can’t keep bringing her down here every 3 days. Then they said well, in the hospital they always change the IV’s every 3 days. I giggled out loud. I can’t tell you the last time my mom was in the hospital and they followed that “rule of thumb”. Oh puhlease! We decided it could stay in as long as it was good. Meaning not leaking, not hurting, still able to push the meds in, blah, blah, blah.


Daily at 11am/11pm I put on my little nurse hat and gloves and give her, her medication. She lays in bed (I know she has it really rough!) and I sit on the bed next to her (again, really rough) and I take care of business. I undress it, clean it, do saline, clean, medication (which has to be spread out over 10 min or she may get sick), clean and then another saline. I cover it back up and then put the “sock” over it. It is like gauze but it just slides over the arm as to cover the area without having to use any staples tape.

 
Mom's arm with the "sock", getting ready for the IV push.


 Mom's arm without the "sock" and I am getting ready to "drug" her up!  LOL

 One of the parts of the treatment is that she is supposed to stay off of her feet. She is supposed to be in bed with her legs elevated. ELEVATED. The key word here is ELEVATED. For some unknown reason this last week she has NOT been doing that. Talk about being a BAD patient, she would have won the award. OMG, I told her she was going to be the death of me.


We had another doctor appointment today and her legs look worse. Yup you heard me. WORSE. The swelling has not gone down, there is still redness and there are more blisters. HELLO??? Does she not see this?? I mean if she doesn’t take care of this she could lose her fucking leg!!! I don’t know how else to get this through to her. I have shown her scary gross pictures. I have had doctors and nurses talk to her. I have done research and read it to her. UGH!! PARENTS!! When the doctor saw her leg, let’s just say he was a bit more concerned. In the middle of the appointment he excused himself to make a phone call. That worried mom. I said to her, maybe he is checking if they have room in the hospital for you. She HATES the hospital. That is her biggest fear to go back in to the hospital. I keep telling her it must not be if you won’t stay off of your feet!!!! Any way he checked with the infectious doctors and consulted with them and they will be calling us tomorrow so that we can get in to see them. OMG!! Really?? Trust me I am NOT going to say what next. I know better than to do that. Hell I don’t have to, it just keeps coming anyway, without an invitation of any kind!


While we were there since the IV line had been in for a week, we had a new one put in. So that way we could continue with the antibiotics. He did mention some other “possible” things that it could be…so needless to say I have been researching tonight. I just want/wish/hope/pray that one of the doctors can figure this out and get her on the road to recovery. He had also mentioned that it could just be from the blood clot. You see the original blood clot was in her leg (from her knee surgery) it broke up and parts of it went to her lung. However, my question to that is then why are both of her legs like this? Wouldn’t only one leg be like this?


After the appointments today she was pretty tired. Once we got home and I got her fed and got her into bed she pretty much slept the afternoon/evening away. This is exactly what she needs to do. Stay off of her legs with them elevated and get better, damn it!


Side note: As if there hasn’t been enough stuff going on, the other morning she “kinda” fell out of bed and got stuck between her bed and nightstand! I had to come and help her. Talk about sore and bruised. It looks like someone beat the crapola outta her.


Nurse Tammy needs to get to bed because she just realized how late it is and her morning shift will be starting in no time!

5.19.2010

WORDLESS WEDNESDAY (well almost)

Tee-Tee is afraid of the camera.   Truth be told she is afraid of most anything, but don't tell her that, it will just make her more nervous and upset! I love to dress her up but taking the pictures is the difficult part with her.  As you can see she was simply exhausted from all of modeling that I was "making" her do for this photo shoot!  Since most of my Wordless Wednesday's seem to be about Chip I thought I would do one of his sister, Tee-Tee.



Tee-Tee barely able to keep her eyes open while I do her photo shoot.  Her "hat" was a top from a new treat that Chip just got.  Her new treat did not have a decorative adornment like that.



As you see, I am a slave driver and she is exhausted.  Can you see the sweat running down her face? LOL




Here she was still able to have her eyes open but for how  much longer we weren't sure.


She is done.  I think you might be able to see it in her eyes, begging me to stop with the bright lights and flashy thing.  In case you didn't know that is really scary!

5.17.2010

Poor Mother Hubbard

Soooo my cupboards are bare... I’m talking like Poor Mother Hubbard is looking rich compared to my cupboards here. I hate that. I hate being out of EVERYTHING. I LOVE when my cupboards and refrigerators and freezers are full. There is just something about that that makes me feel so good inside. I feel FULL, but prepared also. I know it sounds weird, but then again, I never claimed to not sound weird. On a side note I had an old boss tell me that he thought I must have had a previous life during the depression because I always liked to be stocked. One of my duties at that place was to make sure we always had enough of all of our herbs and meds. I always had enough and then a little extra because you just never know. He always teased me about that. OK back to the story.


I have needed to go grocery shopping for what seems like eternity. Mom is home and I am unable to leave her alone. I hadn’t been able to find anyone to stay with her so I could run to the store and at least pick up a few things. So I did it… yup… I finally did it… I went online and checked out grocery shopping online.


I normally shop at Ralphs or Albertsons. However, after checking it all out, I decided to go with Vons. I felt like it took me all me night to “shop” online. I am sure it didn’t but it sure the hell felt like it. I do know that it took me a bit longer then if I had actually gone into the store, but I figured it was my first time. I mean I would like to think that every Vons Virgin takes a little longer the first time. Right? I am hoping that if I do this again, I will be like an old pro.

I was pleased with myself at how well I handled the situation, because if you remember, I hate online shopping.  (Insert link to my blog of Online Ordering is  my personal Hell, which is what I was going to do, but for some unknown reason I couldn't get the damn link to work for nothing in this world. So after trying a million and one times and realizing the time I knew I had to give in to defeat (YUCK) and move on to get this blog posted this month!!) The ordering was pretty easy, they had it set up pretty well. I set it up so that the groceries would be delivered today between 1-3pm.


At 1:30 pm Vons arrived.


What a great site that was to see… the Vons truck. If anyone would have ever told me that I would get excited over seeing a Vons truck I would have laughed. It made me feel giddy inside. You know what the best part was? He unloaded and carried all of the groceries into the house! Did you hear that? At first I felt so weird almost guilty. I said almost guilty…but the giddiness and happiness took over and I was elated. That part alone made it SO much easier on me, I don’t know if anyone out there has any idea how wonderful that was. I am getting giddy over it now just talking about it. Happiness took over and I was elated. That part alone made it SO much easier on me, I don’t know if anyone out there has any idea how wonderful that was. I am getting giddy over it now just talking about it!!



So all I had to do was put away all of the groceries. Granted there were a lot, but in a sense it felt like there was hardly anything because all I had to do was put them away. I didn’t have to drive to the store, go shopping, load the vehicle, unload the vehicle, bring them into the house and then put them away. I only had to do 1 out of 6 of those tasks.


Basically they did a pretty good job. There were only a few things that were off. I wanted only ½ lb of the deli meat and instead I got a full pound and it was sliced the way I had requested. There were 2 things on my list that they were out of stock on. And the weirdest thing yet, I received 1 banana. Yup, that’s right 1 banana. I had asked for 3 small slightly green bananas, and instead I received 1 HUGE banana. It cracks me up every time I look at it sitting on the counter. I wonder why they think I wanted only 1 banana. LOL


All in all it was a GREAT experience. Did I say I was giddy over having groceries delivered? I could never have imagined that grocery delivery could have  made me so excited elated.

5.16.2010

Help. . .no thanks I'll just do it myself.

Asking for help is probably the hardest thing for me to do. I am pretty sure I would rather go to the OB/GYN or the dentist then to have to ask for help. I think it has something to do with the way I was raised. We always just took care of things ourselves, ya know? I mean there is nothing wrong with asking for help; in fact I think it is great if you can do it, it is just not one of my stronger points.


I am one of those people that if I know someone who may need something and I know what it is; I will either just do it or get it for them. I am not the type to say, “If you need anything let me know” or “If there is anything I can do let me know” and leave it at that. I will tell them that just to let them know I am here, but at the same time if I know what it is that I can do, I will do my best to just do it. Is that wrong? I don’t think so. Course then again, that is just my opinion.


I am used to just taking care of things myself. I have done it most of my life and probably will continue to do so. Sometimes it is just easier that way. I don’t like to have to count /depend on anyone or feel indebted to anyone like I “owe” them. It is hard enough to have to ask for help and then afterwards have to hear how “I owe them”. No thank you! I will handle it on my own, and pay for it later, I guess! Pay for it later, I mean sometimes with my health and all, it takes more energy then I have, so I end up hurting or having no energy for too many days. I just have to deal with it though.


One of my Doctors has been trying to convince me that I need to learn how to ask for help. I mean it is a good thought and all and I get what she means, but it is a lot harder than what it sounds. She told me that I need to let people in and give them a chance to help me. I can’t expect everyone to “help” or offer help the way I would/do. I explained to her that I was well aware of that, because most people just don’t do that! The way I look at it is if my close family/friends don’t know how I am by now, they never will. Sometimes when you ask for help it ends up being more work than it is worth, know what I mean?


Here are some examples and these are just fairly recent ones:


• Awhile back I needed a ride to/from a doctor appointment. I asked a friend and she had said it was no problem at all. However every day the week before she called to ask what time it was that she had to take me to the appointment. Then she still came late and it was like she had to fit me into her schedule. When originally it was her day off and she had nothing planned. Now it was like she had all of these other things she had to do and I was lucky that she was able to help me out. (A great example of why I don’t ask for help)



• My mom has been rather sick and cannot be left alone. Yet there never seems to be anyone around that can hang out with her for a couple of hours at a time so that I can go grocery shopping or to one of my doctor appointments. I am not asking for someone to stay with her for 8 hours. I am not asking for someone to do a lot for her. They basically need to be here, in case she needs anything (I would already have snacks, etc ready) and to make sure she does not get up and walk or sit with legs hanging down. Even though when this all first happened it would be no problem at all, now they are all nowhere to be found.

• The most recent incident is that I have a doctor appointment coming up that is actually about an hour away. So NOT looking forward to this appointment. I know that with my current condition I would not be OK to drive there, have the 3 hour appointment and then drive home. So I needed someone to drive me. I actually did what my doctor said. I took a deep breath (almost forgot to let it out and take another one) sucked it up and asked someone for help. It was the hardest thing ever. Yup, you guessed it… was told NO. That is the last time I will be asking for help. (Another great example of why I don’t ask for help)

• Or if you need something from the store and they offer to go. You give them the list and the money. Not only do they not get what you asked for but they bought stuff at such an expensive price you are wondering what were they thinking?? You know they wouldn't have spent that kind of money on that, and you know they know you wouldn't have either, especially since you wrote it on the note. So sometimes it is just better to do it yourself.

Please, please, please don't think that I am not appreciative, because I am, but like I said, sometimes it is just easier to do it yourself.  I just think that if someone doesn't really want to help, don't even offer. 


Then on the other hand, we have a very dear friend of my father's who still looks in on us.  He helps without asking.  He will take out our trash cans or bring them.  He doesn't do it every week, but if he knows I have been having a rough week, he seems to always make sure they are taken care of.  • Awhile back I needed a ride to/from a doctor appointment. I asked a friend and she had said it was no problem at all. However every day the week before she called to ask what time it was that she had to take me to the appointment. Then she still came late and it was like she had to fit me into her schedule. When originally it was her day off and she had nothing planned. Now it was like she had all of these other things she had to do and I was lucky that she was able to help me out. (A great example of why I don’t ask for help)Asking for help is really difficult for me, and it seems that when I finally do it doesn’t really work out for me. I am sure you can see why I feel the way I do and why I basically feel it is just better to do it myself.  So most of the time, I figure it out so that I can do it by myself and not have to bother anyone else, but on those rare occasions that someone does come through, it is so nice and such a pleasant surprise. 

I hope this makes you think twice about helping someone out and not just "offering".


• My mom has been rather sick and cannot be left alone. Yet there never seems to be anyone around that can hang out with her for a couple of hours at a time so that I can go grocery shopping or to one of my doctor appointments. I am not asking for someone to stay with her for 8 hours. I am not asking for someone to do a lot for her. They basically need to be here, in case she needs anything (I would already have snacks, etc ready) and to make sure she does not get up and walk or sit with legs hanging down. Even though when this all first happened it would be no problem at all, now they are all nowhere to be found.

• The most recent incident is that I have a doctor appointment coming up that is actually about an hour away. So NOT looking forward to this appointment. I know that with my current condition I would not be ok to drive there, have the 3 hour appointment and then drive home. So I needed someone to drive me. I actually did what my doctor said. I took a deep breath (almost forgot to let it out and take another one) sucked it up and asked someone for help. It was the hardest thing ever. Yup, you guessed it… was told NO. That is the last time I will be asking for help. (Another great example of why I don’t ask for help)

• Or if you need something from the store. They offer to go. You give them the list and the money. Not only do they not get what you asked for but they bought stuff at such an expensive price you are wondering what were they thinking?? You know they wouldn't have spent that kind of money on that, and you know they know you wouldn't have either, especially since you wrote it on the note and all. So sometimes it is just better to do it yourself.

On the other hand we have a very dear friend of my father's who still looks in on us.  He will take the trash cans in /out.  Not every week, but if he knows I am having a rough week, he always seems to make sure they are taken care of.    He will pull out the weeds, or spray bug spray or bring our newspaper and put it on the porch. He calls to check on us just to see how "the girls" are doing.  It is the little things like that, that are nice. He doesn't have to, but he does.  He always offers and always does.  He done errands for us and thought nothing of it and never made us feel like we "owed" him anything.  That is nice.
See in my mind if you know someone that is in need of something, be it a material object, or a service and you can actually provide it, then why not just do it? I mean wouldn’t you want or hope that it would be returned to you someday? I guess that is just me. I think nothing of those types of things, even when I am “overextended” myself. I have given people rides to work b/c there car has “died” and thought nothing of it. I have gone with people or taken them to doctor appointments so that they wouldn’t have to go by themselves drive themselves. I will check in on people’s animals without them asking me to if I know that is something they would appreciate.

5.12.2010

WORDLESS WEDNESDAY


My handsome baby boy,Chip laying on a pile of papers and in/on my purse. I think he was looking for some of those yummy treats that Daisy is always talking about. She was so nice to tell us where to order the tasty treats from that now he can't wait till they get here!

5.09.2010

Happy Mother's Day!!


Mother's day is just not Mothers.  It is also for the ones who are Aunts, Grandma's, Nana's, Foster Mom's, Mentors, Godmother,sisters or someone who you can look up to and consider someone like a mom.  You don't have to have only had a 2 legged child be a Mom.  You may have furry children, you may be a caregiver, it is all the same...it is the mothering instinct.  Mom was raised by her mom basically without a father, and on father's day she used to always give her a Father's Day card, b/c in her mind she was not only her mother but also her father.  She did both roles.  So today I also look to the Father's that play the role of the mother as well as the Father.  Happy Mother's Day to you. 

I hope everyone's day is blessed with love and laughter!

Hope you enjoy the poem!


A Mother's love is something
that no on can explain,
It is made of deep devotion
and of sacrifice and pain,
It is endless and unselfish
and enduring come what may
For nothing can destroy it
or take that love away . . .
It is patient and forgiving
when all others are forsaking,
And it never fails or falters
even though the heart is breaking . . .
It believes beyond believing
when the world around condemns,
And it glows with all the beauty
of the rarest, brightest gems . . .
It is far beyond defining,
it defies all explanation,
And it still remains a secret
like the mysteries of creation . . .
A many splendoured miracle
man cannot understand
And another wondrous evidence
of God's tender guiding hand.


~Helen Steiner Rice~

 
 
Me~Nana~Mom (3 generations)
The best mom and Nana around!!

5.08.2010

Passed out

I had run out to get some groceries as it had been a rather long time since I had done this. Needless to say we were beginning to look like Poor Mother Hubbard. I had mom all set up with everything that she needed and figured I shouldn’t be gone long. I did have to go to the grocery store and the pet store. I mean like the rhyme says, gotta feed the Dog (and cat too)! I had my cell phone and told her I would call her and check on her. I made sure she had pills, water, snacks, and even her bedside commode right by her. There was really NO NEED for her to be up and about. I hadn’t been leaving mom alone because of her not feeling well. If you go here, this will refresh your memory.



I was pretty exhausted after going to the 2 places & thought I would pick us up something to eat. So I called her to see if she had a taste for something and that I was going to pick something up. I had already spoken with her a few times and all was fine. I called her at 7:40pm and told her I was on my way home. I was gone no longer than 3 hours. When I arrived home at 8:15pm, I came in and announced I was home. There was no response. So I kept talking all my smart ass crap that I normally do. Still no answer. I realized she was in the bathroom and when I peeked around the corner she looked as if she was passed out! I first thought she was trying to be funny and play with me. I quickly realized she was not playing. She was indeed passed out. When I finally was able to arouse her some, she had no idea where she was at. She did not remember even walking to the bathroom. Now mind you, we don’t live in a huge house so it wasn’t like she had to go from the east wing to the west wing of the house. I mean did we forget she had a fucking toilet at her bedside? OMG! Ok... breathe Tammy. I was able to help her up and get her to the dining room table. I took her sugar (she is a diabetic) and it was at 30. That is extremely low. I took her blood pressure and it was 98/45, again extremely low. I knew I had to get both of them up and quick. I tried to get sweets food and/drink in her. She was not cooperative. This is NOT like my mother. I realized that it was not “really her” but she was in fact not aware of what she was doing. I had to call a very dear friend over to help me move her to her bed. She was not being cooperative and I was unable to do it by myself. Clarence came over quickly. We are so lucky to have him and so close by. He was one of my dad’s closest buds. He lives a couple of houses down from us and continues to look in us. Her BFF also came over as she is a LVN and I thought maybe she might be able to help. I had to end up calling 911. I hated to but I knew it had to be done. We were unable to bring any of her levels up. So the crew of “men” arrived and once they started giving mom some sugar through the IV she started coming around. Once she realized all these “Men” were in her house and that she was going to the hospital, can we just say that if looks could kill, we would be attending my funeral! She was not too pleased with me at all.


She was taken to the hospital and that is when we found out that not only was she now hypoglycemic but also that she had cellulitis. I guess everyone at the hospital kept asking her, who found her passed out, and where was she and what happened. All she could tell them is my daughter found me; I don’t remember anything, so you will have to ask her. She said she felt like she lost the whole day/night. She was so confused. I felt so bad for her. So they had to start her on some heavy duty antibiotics to get the infection, swelling, redness and heat to reduce. This was the shortest hospital stay ever for her. They released her the next day. I brought her home and she was on Keflex (antibiotic) and a completely new regime for her insulin. Ok... I can do this.


Can I just tell you that Cellulitis is very serious and can be deadly? If you decide to check out the link, look at the pictures as well. They compare it to the flesh eating bacteria! It can cause you to lose a body party & die. This is not always caused by having surgery; it can be from a scratch even. If someone has a low immune system they are at a higher risk for this. Scary…very scary!


I had to take her back to her doctor a couple days later and he noticed right away that it was not healing the way it should be. So he decided to start her on Rocephin. That is given via an injection. So she got one that day and then we had to come back the next 2 days. Oh… and he also decided to change her insulin. So now the insulin is a totally different brand and completely different schedule. I now have notes I follow until I get used to this new way of insulin!


On Monday she all of a sudden was sicker than a dog. Ok... actually she was projectile pooping! I know huh! I felt sooo bad for her. Poor thing. So I emailed the doctor (isn’t that awesome emailing a doctor?) and he wanted her to stop the injections, and start a different antibiotic and get a kit to do a stool sample to make sure she didn’t have C.diff. I got her started on the Flagyl and finally 2 days later she started feeling better. Her right leg looks completely normal and her left leg looks really good. It is still red and still very sore to the touch, but all in all it looks so much better than it had. Huge sigh of relief. The doctor calls and tells me to put her back on the Keflex for the next 7 days to make sure we get this infection out of her leg. Wouldn’t you know it but I gave her one at night and the next morning the poor thing wakes up with the projectile pooping again! I have taken her off all antibiotics and she is still having pooping issues but not quite as bad as before. I mean kind of projectilish but not nearly as bad. Thank GOD!
 So I came home to my mother passed out…cold. Can I tell you how freakin’ scared outta my mind I was? So many things flew through my head. Did she have another heart attack? Did the pulmonary embolism move? Did she have a stroke? Did she stop breathing? Did her blood pressure drop? My mind was racing so fast I had no idea it could move that fast!



I think she finally gets it that she needs to stay off of her feet in order for this to heal. She needed to be in bed with her legs elevated for the swelling and redness to go away. Now that her leg is looking better the doctor said that she could walk around the house a little (very little) and make sure she doesn’t sit with her legs hanging, as that is the worst thing for it. I guess she is feeling “pretty good” because she had been trying not to use her walker, I mean it is not like we have a huge house, right? So last night she was walking from the living room to her bedroom and she fell. YUP! She fell. And she wonders why I hover? She wonders why I want to be either in front or behind her when she is walking still. Luckily she fell on her ass!! She is sore to say the least and of course black and blue – more!


Although all of the doctors assure me that whether I was home or not, this could have happened (her passing out), I still feel that I am not leaving her alone anytime soon.


I tell you it was the scariest site I have ever seen.

5.02.2010

2nd Date

So I had a 2nd date with Paul. First just to bring y’all up to speed… We had our first date about 3 months 3 ½ weeks ago and it has been off and on since then. With mom being so sick and in and out of the hospital it has been almost impossible to plan anything and then it seemed if we did, something happened and I had to cancel. So needless to say we have been talking quite a bit and amazingly (for a man) he has been very patient. So that can either mean, he is really sincere or he has 3 other chicks on the other end that he juggles and this works out ok because I don’t take up too much time. Ok ok... All kidding aside.



We met for lunch and then went next door to Ben & Jerry’s . I mean let’s face it he scored a point right there. Anyone that knows me knows I am one with ice cream! So we got our ice cream and sat down to shoot the shit talk and get to know each other some more.

 
I got ice cream in a waffle bowl. It didn’t look exactly like this (actually better).

I tend to be “messy” at times. I really try not to be, but as I am told sometimes I just can’t help it (see picture below). No I was not wearing this in case you were wondering.



So here I am eating my waffle cone sundae and wouldn’t you know it I dropped a piece of the waffle cone down my top. Yup! Right down the center into the cleavage. I can’t leave it there. Ok.. I am NOT going to leave it there. Without skipping a beat I just put my hand right down the front of my top and fish it out! Yup! That is me. I think I shocked the shit surprised him as his mouth was open and he looked somewhat speechless. Ooopps! I said sorry, but I couldn’t just leave it there, I had to get it out. I hope that didn’t embarrass you.


And can you believe after that … he called me again and wants a 3rd date! So I guess I didn't scare him off after all.  So I wonder if  when I eat Lobster with my hands if that won't bother him either?  Hmmm....

5.01.2010

Trina Billingsley - Harleys, Butterflies & Smiles ~ you are missed.


I lost another dear friend. I still can’t believe it. I was on Face book and I started seeing different postings on her page. I was like what? I couldn’t believe it. I mean she and I had just emailed each other a couple of days earlier. It all seems so surreal. Hell it still does really. So after realizing that something was terribly wrong, I reached out 2 other people that both of us knew and I was hoping they would be able to fill me in some.



I was fortunate enough to meet her through work. I worked in the LA office and she in the Brentwood Benson (TN) office. We basically knew each other through phone and emails. We became friends that way. Then by luck, it was needed for me to travel to that office to “train” several of the women. So of course I was thrilled to go and finally meet all of the wonderful ladies I had been communicating with for a few years and be able to put faces to names. I walked into the office and there she was waiting at the front desk to greet me and help me carry my stuff upstairs to the main office. It had been one hell of a ride over to the office (funny story) but I finally made it there, 2 hours late (Thank you taxi driver) and alive!



                                                             
This is a picture of my Brentwood Benson Southern Belles (as I called them)
(l-r Leslie, Marianna, Robyn, Amy, Jeri, Trina, Shannon & Ms. Betty)

Trina was always a happy, smiling and positive person. No matter how much work she had piled up on her desk, how many deadlines that were fast approaching and God only knows how many policies and procedures were changing daily she always seemed to find something “funny” out of it all. She always kept her spirit up. I mean sure there were those rare times, but like I said, they were rare. Did I say she LOVED bikes, and that would be Motorcycles, because those are the only bikes worth liking (as she would tell ya!). We both loved bikes and talked about them on probably all of our conversations. There is just something great about a motorcycle, but what is even better, is that she was able to finally get her dream bike…Her Harley! I remember her telling me about it. You could feel the excitement in her; it was like a kid on Christmas. I was so happy for her, jealous at the same time, but thrilled to death for her. I kept telling her that on my next visit out there she had to take me out on it. She always told me she had never had anyone on the back of her bike, and I would always respond with, Great! Guess I get to be the first one! We always giggled over that. When I thought I was going to be coming out to TN again this time for personal she even offered her home to me. We all know not just anyone will do that.




Trina on her dream bike – A Harley (what else is there)

My mom was sick during this time so I was only able to send flowers. However, if she had not been ill, I know I would have flown out there for the services.






Trina passed away on March 27th of this year. From what I understand she and her sister, Kim were out on a bike ride with a group they ride with. There was an accident and she and her bike flipped. She died instantly. The only thing I can say is that she died doing something she LOVED. She left us way too soon. I have to tell myself that GOD must have had greater things for her to do.


I think of her daily and will continue to do so. I am so blessed to have been able to meet her and get to know her.



Rest in Peace my dear friend.  I know you are riding your Harley and watching over everyone! Till we meet again...