I am a big believer that we are all here on earth to learn lessons. I think that we stay as long as it takes us to learn what we are supposed to learn and as long as it takes us to teach others what we were supposed to teach them. Several years back I was fortunate enough to “stumble” across a book (Journey of Souls) by Dr. Michael Newton. The book is about how he came to be involved with doing past life regressions. At the back of the book it listed his contact information in case you were interested in being regressed. Let me tell you I couldn't wait to send him a letter.
I was in my mid 20’s and this book just woke me up like nothing before. I have always been interested in the spiritual world and what we might have been in other lives and how we went from life to life, so I couldn’t wait to contact him. I was fortunate enough to be able to meet with him and have a session. This was several years ago (around 1996) and at that time he lived in Grass Valley, CA. I don’t really remember how long the session was or how much the fee was. I do remember that it was taped and I do have the tapes. I can recall some of the session but when I listen to the tapes it just floods my being. This is simply an experience that I will never forget. I don’t know how anyone could forget something like that. I highly recommend that if at all possible everyone should experience that.
I can remember 2 of my previous lives. In one of them I was an extremely rich and beautiful woman. I basically had no flaws (interior/exterior) and I knew it and acted like it. I didn’t really treat anyone very nice. I guess I didn’t feel/think I had to. I was healthy and just gorgeous. My face and body …everyone was envious. I didn’t work and I traveled everywhere. I did not have any children. Although I “had” everything, inside I was not really happy. My next life, I was an extremely obese man. I was by myself. My parents died when I was young and now I was ALL ALONE. No one liked me, everyone made fun of me. I had no friends. I got to be so big I was unable to work, so I basically stayed at home as much as possible. I would go out only when I had to, for doctor appointments and to the grocery store. I could no longer fit behind the wheel of a car so I had to take the bus or walk, both of which were extremely difficult and embarrassing for me. I ate myself to death basically. I was miserable. No doubt about that.
Now I am in this life. I have always said I picked my parents. In fact I can remember doing just that. I can picture it like it was yesterday. I know it might sound a bit strange but it is true. I picked my family because I knew they needed me. I knew that my mom was going to have health issues. I also knew that I would too, but not to this degree that is for sure.
So I was talking to my therapist a few weeks back about this and she asked me what I thought I had learned from my other lives I mentioned that I was now able to be a caregiver/caretaker and I loved doing it, as in my 1st life there is no way I would have done something like that. I would have paid someone, but there was no way I would have done something like that. I knew what it was like to be kind and compassionate, respectful of others. I know how to work and enjoy it. I have a better understanding of other’s feelings and always treat others the way I would like to be treated. I told her at least that is some of what I think I have learned and show it and hope to continue to learn and teach others more.
After discussing this for a short time, she brought something to my attention. Compassion. I do NOT have compassion for myself. I never really thought about it like that but I guess I don’t. I have been told before that I am very hard on myself but I never really saw it like that. I have always tried to do the best at everything /anything that I do. I always want to do better and not make any mistakes. When I do make mistakes I am told that I am much too tough on myself. I was asked that if someone else made some of the mistakes that I make what /how would I react. I explained that if it is nothing major I would most likely try to make a joke out of it and let them know it is nothing to worry about /stress over and to move on. When in reality if I make that same mistake, I just about kill myself with negativity. I never really thought about it like that or even realized that I was doing that. Hell I have been doing that my entire life.
So now I have been challenged to learn to be compassionate towards myself! I don’t even know how to begin to do that. She tells me to start off reading mantras, or positive quotes. Even if I start out with 1 a week that is at least a start. Funny thing is I have read so many self-help books out there I know I all this and know most of the mantras. However, you have to believe them when you say them. You have to be able to at least start to believe them.
So I ask you, do you have compassion for yourself? I mean there is no doubt that I do for others but now that it has been brought to my attention, I am well aware that I don’t for myself. I think this is going to be one of the hardest things I am going to have to learn how to do. I only hope I can learn how to do it…eventually… Any hints or ideas on how you think I might be able to work on this??