8.17.2009

RAGE


I wonder is rage inherited or is it learned? Is it a trait, a characteristic, a chemical or hormonal imbalance or something else?

Growing up I was always told that I took after my father. He had a horrible temperament and just about no amount of patience. I had and still do have a horrible anger issue (I now call it rage) and lack of patience. I use to hate being told that I was like my father. My father and I are alot alike, and when I was young the last thing I wanted was any of his "bad habits". LOL I have learned it is not so bad after all. If you can admit to your downfalls or vices, then that is half the battle. Once you admit to the problems that plague you, you can then move forward to address them and attempt to fix them, whatever they may be.

When I was younger I would lose my temper easily at stupid little things. I never would get mad at anyone else or anything. It seemed to mostly be at something stupid I did. It was like I took it out on me (kinda). I never hurt anyone or anything and can't imagine doing so. Yet, I have always wondered why? Why do I have so much RAGE? I have read many books and articles on the subject. I have spoken to many different people on the subject. I have tried many different types of treatments to help control this. I no longer call it anger because to me it is not.
It is the little things that seem to make me "lose it". When I do lose it, if I am not able to keep it under control then it becomes what I call RAGE. It is like you have no control and you fly off of the handle. Different people handle it different ways. If I am able to handle it, it takes alot out of me, but I am thrilled that I can handle it and "IT" doesn't win. That means alot to me. I have heard of people that suffer from "RAGE" episodes who will sometimes punch holes in walls, hurt themselves or hurt others. None of these are good remedies.
I have recently found out that not only did my father have these issues, but so does several other cousins on both sides of my family. I was shocked when I found this out. There are both female and male relatives that have issues with RAGE. This is why I raise the question, could RAGE be genetic? I mean could you inherit it? What determines who gets the "RAGE" gene? If so how do you fix this? I mean is it psychotherapy? medications? meditation? exercise? prayers? I have had all of these remedies suggested to me. I have tried all of them.
I seem to go through periods that I hardly have any "RAGE" outbursts which is great, and then there are periods that I feel like I am going to have one every other breath. I hate those periods. Those times are no fun at all.
I am aware of my "RAGE" issues and work on it daily. I still read as much as I can about it and try to learn as much as I can. I really want to know why I am like this. I am still amazed that there are other people on both sides of my family that have the same issue.

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