4.27.2010

I finally get it

I don’t know if there are many “only children” out there but I am one of them. I mean well kind of. I wonder if that is like being kind of pregnant. My father was married previously and had 2 children but we were not raised together. I know them and they are my half sister and brother. But like I said we were not raised together and we are such opposites. I finally met them when I was 11 years old. That is an entirely other blog or 2 or 3 but anyway, I can always remember my parents wanting me to know them, get along with them and be like sister/brother with them. They never wanted me to be an “only “child. They wanted me to know my siblings and have them in my life. I could never really understand it. I mean I liked them and all but I was raised as an only child and never had a problem with it. I was never one of those children that begged my parents to have a child so I could have a brother or sister.


NO I was NOT spoiled. Ok… I was spoiled with LOVE. I never had everything and anything a child could ever want, I never went without anything though. I started working at an early age and I could go on, but actually that is good for another blog (will have to make a note of that).


For years when I would hear horror stories of sibling stuff, I would turn to my parents or whomever and say, “And you wonder why I not upset with being an only child?” LOL But it is true. People would ask me about being bored growing up or what it was like. It was fine. My mom and I are very close and as a family we were pretty close as well.


I lost my father in May 2008. It hit me harder than I ever expected. Don’t get me wrong I knew it would bother me but it hit me harder than I would have ever thought possible. Then since my father has passed it seems that my mom has been hit with a shitload of health issues. It seems that while she was caring for dad she was able to suppress or push all of her issues down far enough so that there really were no issues. So she seemed to be ok, she had a few issues while he was towards the end of his illness but for the most part she was pretty good.


It wasn’t 2 weeks after Dad passed and it was like her body fell apart and big time too. It was like all of a sudden her body and mind knew they didn’t have to do it anymore. They didn’t have to put on, and her whole system just fell apart. Since then we have been running back and forth to the doctors and to the hospital. It is pretty funny scary when the firemen/emt/ arrive and they recognize you. Hello!! I am pretty sure this is not the norm for most people. Or when you go to the ER or a certain floor of the hospital and they recognize you or mistake you for an employee. Yeah… that happened…a few times.


On March 22nd, Mom went in and finally had her total knee replacement. She has only been waiting for this since …are you ready?? Yup… 2003. Please don’t get me started on that one. She had some minor complications. She came home for almost 2 weeks and then was rushed back because of a pulmonary embolism . That is NOT a good thing. Can we just say that that scared the holy crapola outta me. People thought that once she was released that meant that her blood clot was gone. WRONG!! She still has it and will have it for a few months. After further research, I found out that not only does she have a blood clot in her lung but also some in her leg where she had the surgery. So needless to say I am a bit concerned.


The last thing I want to happen is to lose her. She is all I have. Don’t get me wrong, I have other family, cousins, aunts, uncles but no one lives close. We have some family here in California but the rest is either in the East or South (that is where the siblings are at). It starts to hit me that she is all I have. Not that there is anything wrong with that... but WOW!! I mean WOW!! After a week in the hospital she was released. She started doing pretty good. Her knee was healing pretty well. Her walking was getting better. She needed less and less help, the physical therapists were thrilled with her progress. Yeah!!


Then I had a couple of bad days (Really bad LUPUS flare days), so I slept a lot for 2 days. It bothered me but I did. I kept waking to check on her but since she was “feeling so much better” she was trying to do things. My personal feeling is that she did a bit too much. Who am I to tell her that… she sure the hell isn’t going to listen to me.


Saturday I had to go out for a few hours. I am talking Mother Hubbard… we had NO food and the animals didn’t either. I had to at least make sure the animals had something to eat! So I left her for 3 ½ hours. She was resting. I had her all set up. I had left her previously and not for long amounts of time. I knew that she was tired because of her over doing it the day before even though she wouldn’t admit it, but I knew it, because I know her. So I called and checked in on her about 3 times. She was fine, resting and all.


When I arrived home, I found her PASSED OUT on the toilet. At first glance I thought she was trying to be funny. But when I said to her “not funny”, she didn’t move at all. I knew, OMG!! Ok... Actually I was thinking FUCK... FUCK... FUCKFUCK!!! When I finally aroused her she was confused and barely coherent. I knew her sugar had dropped and was not sure about her blood pressure. I wanted to move her to either her bed or the recliner love seat. I basically was moving her. She is not a tiny person but not a large person, but she was dead weight. She basically had no control over herself. We made it to the dining room table. I tested her sugar and it was 30! I tested her blood pressure and it was 98/45. I knew I had to raise both of them. I proceeded to try and raise her sugar. At first she would take a drink or a bite but then she clamped down and wouldn’t eat or drink. It was kind of funny but not. I had to call our friend over to help me get her to her bedroom, because by this time she was even less coherent and was not being cooperative. Clarence came over (Thank you Clarence!!) and helped me take her to her bedroom. I tried for almost 2 hours to get her numbers to come up. They barely raised. I knew it was not enough. I had to call 911. I know how she hates the HOSPITAL. Oh well it had to be done.


During this entire time I kept thinking OMG!! Not now… I can’t do this. I don’t know if I can keep doing this. I get this now. I finally get why parents don’t want their children to be “alone”. I never really thought much of it before…but it hit me after her bout with the Pulmonary Embolism and then again now. When I saw her passed out like that, it was a feeling I hope I never have to feel again. I tell you I will never leave her alone again. I had just talked to her on the phone 30 minutes before I arrived home, so I know she couldn’t have been passed out longer than that, but still, what if??? What if???


The emergency guys came and yes they recognized me and mom. So they immediately gave her dextrose and got her sugar to raise to a normal level (Thank God!!) and then it was off to the hospital. After many tests it was now determined that she is now HYPOGLYCEMIC and also has CELLULITIS. They want to keep her over for observation. Cellulitis is an infection. It can be very dangerous. Not only does she have this in the leg she had surgery but she has it on BOTH legs. Her legs are so swollen you wonder why they haven’t burst yet, and they are so RED, you wonder if they are 3rd degree burns.


I think to myself –How could I have let this happen? First the Pulmonary Embolism, now the Cellulitis. I tell you I don’t think I will be able to leave her alone for awhile to come. I know the doctors say that it is ok, but in my heart, mind and soul, I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if GOD forbid something happened.


Here I am… not married, no children, not in the best of health and it is just me & mom. I finally get why my parents, my mom especially has always been so adamant for me to embrace the fact that I have siblings.


For the simple fact that I wouldn’t be alone...

1 comment:

  1. for the record u will never be alone..im here..pls always remember that ok...xoxo.....p

    ReplyDelete